awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
