There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
