watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
