I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
