My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dignity is for republicans.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
