bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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