I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
