if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
