drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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