I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
