Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i've created a new STD.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize