I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
