this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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