How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
