Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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