I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
