Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
