I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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