my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she smelled like a LAN party
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
