He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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