It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
