Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
