my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize