The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
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