omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
