Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
