we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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