After last night, I could never be a politician.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
