I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
