You can't special order awesome
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
