I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
