i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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