I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
