I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
