So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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