i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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