The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize