dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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