She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
