Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
