Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
