I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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