so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
