I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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