did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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