Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A bitchslap is in order.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
