somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
