"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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