1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
