I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
