When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just invented taco cereal.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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