He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i now understand why vodka
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
