I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
