All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
