I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
