shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
