Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
two words...techno handjob
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
