My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
