The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
