This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
