I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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