You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
