I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
