considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize