Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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