how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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