She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
