I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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